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The garbage collector is not stealing
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house
I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house
when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, deer, etc. just because I like the way
they smell.
Kitty box crunchies, although they are tasty, are not food.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's
raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage to avoid
having a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not use roll around in the dirt as an option after just getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch in front of
company.
Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
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